Viola Jokes

How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?
Write a whole note with "solo" above it.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.

What's the definiton of "perfect pitch?"
Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.

Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
It saves time.

Why is a viola solo like a bomb?
By the time you hear it, it's too late to do anything about it.

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a crushed viola in the road?
Skid marks before the skunk.

How do you get a violin to sound like a viola?
1. Sit in the back and don't play.
2. Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.

A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?
The conductor. Business before pleasure.

What do a SCUD missile and a viola player have in common?
They're both offensive and inaccurate.

What is the range of a Viola?
As far as you can kick it.

If you're lost in the desert, what do you aim for?
A good viola player, a bad viola player or an oasis?
The bad viola player. The other two are only figments of your imagination.

Why shouldn't you drive off a cliff in a mini with three violas in it?
You could fit in at least one more.

Why do people tremble with fear when someone comes into a bank carrying a viola case?
They think he's carrying a viola and might be about to use it.

Did you hear about the violist who bragged that he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.

Did you hear about the violist who played in tune?
Neither did I.


Okay... yeah... I got these from a friend online. They were too fun not to post. *grin* My younger sister started playing viola this year - no offense.

Disclaimer: I love viola... but violin is still better. Don't take the jokes seriously.